Riley was the ringmaster—part charm, part mischief. He had a way of telling the truth as if it were a dare. Mark was quieter, shoulders forever tense, like a man ready to fold under pressure. June kept her feelings in a neat row of notepads; she would hand you a page that said exactly what you'd been trying to understand, neat handwriting, no flourish. I thought myself the anchor, the one with a map others could follow when the sun went down.
We called ourselves the Cupboard Club because we'd claimed the old boathouse as ours and stashed our treasures in a broken cedar cabinet: a stack of comics, a cross-stitched handkerchief June's grandmother had given her, a harmonica that squealed in sympathy when someone laughed too hard. The boathouse smelled like lemon oil and wet wood, and when the door stuck, you had to slide the key across the grain just so to free it. That sticky ritual felt like a promise.
A party at Lyle's cousin's trailer—cheap lights strung like jurors in the trees—stretched into the night. Someone had brought beer in a cooler with a cracked lid. Someone else, maybe Riley, or maybe the night, dared us to jump the dock into the river where the reflection of the moon shied away like an embarrassed animal. The jump became a ceremony. We were intoxicated on heat and possibility; the water gleamed with an open-mouthed promise. Riley was the ringmaster—part charm, part mischief
Then June met Lyle.
Then the thing happened that untied our seams. June kept her feelings in a neat row
We were children who had stubbed our toes on a larger world. June left with a key and a handkerchief and a quiet that could be traced to the way she'd started locking her journal. Lyle left not long after, the town a little less dangerous without him. Riley married someone with three cats and a mortgage; he would later tell me, in an embarrassed, rueful voice, that he thought he’d been protecting June when all he’d been protecting was his own idea of her. Mark moved to a place where no one asked about the lake. He sent one postcard with a line: "I learned how not to drown. I don't know if that's the same as learning how to swim."
—
The first time Mark didn't speak to me, it felt like a thunderclap. We met on a Tuesday when the sun was too polite to be honest. He acknowledged me with the brevity of someone who'd learned that words could be wrong instruments. I tried to fix it—offered coffee, tried to tell him it wasn't my doing. He said, "You saw it happen, too," and then closed his mouth like a snapped book.